Faith of a child

I find it interesting how I tend to ask God for things, but in the back of my mind I'm not totally believing that He will grant me what I ask for. And I always go back to that verse in the Bible that says we must have the faith of a child to enter the kingdom of heaven. When I read that verse I go back to a simpler time when I did have that faith and did not doubt God's power ever. I remember when I was about seven years old and my sister, Beba, was five or so. She was invited her BFF's birthday party which just happen to fall on a Saturday. Of course for my family, that's the Sabbath. And in my home we were raised to believe that you don't do certain things on the Sabbath, including going to a birthday party. But my parents felt bad and decided to make a compromise. They decided that they would allow her to go after church and with me.
As they dropped us off for a few hours I felt sooooo weird. I kept thinking, "I can't have too much fun." (I know, wrong way of viewing the Sabbath) But it was nice and we were having fun, so the guilt slowly went away. That was until the television turned on. If anyone knows anything about Adventists and televisions on Sabbath, I think that's the biggest taboo there is. Everything was happening so quick that I didn't know how to tell my sister's friend's mom that we couldn't watch TV. Birthday cake, gifts and a few games I could do, but not the television!!! Soooo as nonchalantly as possible I excused my little sister and I briefly and walked to an empty bedroom. I told my sister, "We need to kneel and pray for God to forgive us right now before we watch the TV." So she went first and prayed and then I knelt and prayed.
Now that I look back on it, I think it's hilarious. But it also reminds me how seriously I took my faith and my beliefs when I was only 7! I didn't question or make excuses, I just did what I believed. I'm not saying that watching TV on the Sabbath is right or wrong. That's a whole different discussion. But I just wish that I carried that same conviction with me today. Because I honestly do believe that the Sabbath day is holy and that we should try our best to keep it as sacred as possible for our Creator. But yet sometimes (especially in the winter with sunset so early) that sun is setting on a Friday evening and I'm still not done watching that show or that movie that I quickly popped in, so I make excuses and say, "oh five minutes isn't going to kill me." I wish I could go back to the faith of my inner child and not even think twice about whether or not I should do something and also putting my complete trust in God at ALL times. I wish that when I prayed about my job, I would honestly believe that God will work through me and those around me, or my marriage, that God will help me be a better wife or that Justin would finally start putting his clothes away at the end of the day. I wish that when I pray for health and healing of a close friend or relative, that I would believe that God will come through and heal that person. I think that's what most of us need. The faith and trust of a child when we pray for these things. And then maybe we would see miraculous things happen all around us more often.

I'm not who I was

Man.... so much has changed these past few years. I have mentioned in my profile summary thing that I have been struggling with my relationship with Christ for a while. I guess I was doing that back and forth thing when I was hot for Christ, then cold for Christ, then hot again, then cold again. Luckily, Christ doesn't care how many times you come back, He just wishes you wouldn't have left the first time.
So my walk starts when I was in high school. I went to this prayer meeting and for the first time in my life I realized that God was real and that I could actually have a relationship with Him. This just never occurred to me before. I tried to do the right thing because that's the way I was always raised. So from that point on, I tried. I started reading my Bible, I stopped bad habits, I was a Christian for the first time in my life.
Eventually, don't really remember when, I fire slowly faded and I slowly started getting back into my old habits. I prayed and prayed and asked God for forgiveness and for self-control but I just couldn't let them go.
When I got to college the fire started up again. I recommitted myself to Christ completely once more and started building my relationship back up. I have to say those were some of the best years of my life. I had great friends, was doing well in school and felt like I was truly walking side by side with my Savior.
And then the fire went out. I'm not sure at what point I just stopped caring, but I did. I decided to have fun like the rest of the world was having fun and not think about the consequences. Well that went well...
I got so deep into stuff that I just couldn't see a way out. I told myself, "theres no way God's taking me back now." But slowly once again, I started praying and reading the Bible. It wasn't easy. I honestly didn't want to, but I knew it was the only way back. I had gotten myself into the mess and I needed to work real hard to get myself back out.
Since then it's been a steady climb. Sometimes I had a moment where I came back down again but I always remembered God's forgiveness. When I got married was what sealed the deal for me and Jesus. I guess when you decide to commit your life to someone you don't realize that "for the bad" really counts in the vows. I had to deal with some things in my marriage that I never thought I would ever have to deal with. I'll admit, sometimes I thought to myself, I'm walking away. This is not the man I thought I was going to marry. But God pushed me and pushed me. I threw myself into the Word and prayed like I have never prayed before. And now looking back on it I have to say it was a blessing. Because the Lord knew that He needed to push me out of my comfort zone. I was way too comfortable where I was with Him and He wanted more and expected more out of me. So He used my husband to get that out. And I had to completely surrender my will and my trust over to Christ.....And then I felt true peace. Although I was going through one of the most difficult times in my life, I was OK. And I had never felt that way before. I finally realized what it was to surrender all to Christ. God gave me the perseverance and in the end I have to say that I am so happy in my marriage. We're both so happy and it's was only through Christ.
It's hard for some people to see this because they  know the person that I was. They saw me in the clubs, puking into the sink because I had too much to drink, putting me in bed because I was too drunk to get there myself. Yes, that is where I have been!!! To those people I say, I'm sorry. And I hope that I can reflect the changes that Christ has made in me to everyone I come in contact with. I am not that same person. I am a new person in Christ.

He heard me the first time

       Justin and I were having an interesting conversation the other night. He was talking about how he can never clear his mind enough to try and listen to God. The thing that most people don't know about Justin is that he has undiagnosed "ADD". I am so serious when I say this. He cannot just sit still and let his mind go blank. He can sit still, he just has to be doing something. I explained to him that sometimes it just happens. Your just driving your car thinking something and a little voice pops into your head.
       I had the perfect example that just happened to me that day. I was driving to prayer meeting that night and on my way there I saw a huge cloud. As I got closer to the church I realized I was driving right into it. Slowly I started seeing huge lights of lightening right in front of my car. So close that my radio would fizz each time another one showed up. Needless to say I HATE thunderstorms. Anyone who remembers OSHKOSH 1999 will know why. Huge storm, possible tornado that split in half when it came to the campground (lol). I really thought I was going to die that night and have been traumatized ever since.
       Well I'm praying to God on my way to the church. I was just praying that I wouldn't get struck by lightning and I would get to the church safely. I even started bargaining. "I'm going to church to spend time with you God, you can't let me die." And then it got to the point where I confessed Jesus Christ was my one true Saviour just in case I did die. Well I made it in time for the youth pastor to see me sprinting from my car to the church door so that I wouldn't get struck by lightning.
        When I sat down I bowed my head and asked God to make sure it wasn't raining or lightning when the meeting was over so that I wouldn't have to drive back in that weather. During the meeting it began to rain and I could hear the thunder was very close. I tried to concentrate on the speaker but I was getting nervous again. I began to pray again. I started saying, "Lord, please don't let it be raining when..."  and then I was cut off by a very clear voice that said, "I heard you the first time." I realized I wasn't trusting God so I stopped. About ten minutes later I heard more thunder even closer. Again I began to pray and I got as far as, "Lord" when I got cut off again. This time the voice was a little annoyed. "I heard you the first time." At that point I decided to say a prayer of thanksgiving. I said, "Thank you Jesus because I know when I walk out those doors it will not be raining or thundering."
      Sure enough when the meeting was over and I walked out the doors, no rain and no lightning or thundering. Praise God. I wasn't certain it was going to happen but I thanked Jesus anyway in advance and sure enough He came through for me once again.

Lukewarm or hot for Christ

I went to Prayer night in church today and heard two things that really stuck with me. The pastor discussed Revelation 3 and the church of Laodicea. All of us who grew up in church have heard these verses many times. It's about the church that is neither hot nor cold and how God just wants to spit her out because she's lukewarm. I'll admit when the pastor started reading the passages I was thinking to myself, "man I've heard this so many times." Because we always end up comparing it to our church today and how we are lukewarm. But the pastor began asking people what their opinions of what lukewarm is and what their opinions of hot is. One older man raised his hand and said, "God just wants us to be committed to something. He either wants you committed to the world or committed to Him."
That really stuck with me because so many times in church we hear people saying that at least even though their son or daughter is stuck on this drug or this vice that they are still going to church every Sabbath. So basically does this verse mean that God would rather have them do all those things and not come to church? I don't think that's the meaning. I think that the meaning is for those who are out there doing things that in their hearts they know they shouldn't be doing and then come Sabbath are up on the pulpit talking about this and that.  Because let's face it, too many people do that. We have a name for those people, they're called hypocrites. God doesn't want us to live two different lives, He wants you to live one life.
Another person said something that really stuck with me. This person said that people who are lukewarm are not truly happy. The reason for this is because when they are doing the things they know they shouldn't be doing, all they feel is guilty. They are not happy because in their hearts they know that is not God's way, but they do not want to give it up. I thought of myself in this situation. There was a time when I chose to party a lot, knowing with all my heart that the things I was doing were not right. I remember that I would purposefully get drunk enough so that I could not think about what I was doing anymore. Then when I would finally go to bed I was never able to sleep. NEVER. I would toss and turn all night because I couldn't stop thinking about all the stuff I had just done the night before. When this man made that statement that came to my mind. The only time I have truly felt at peace and happy with myself is when I am walking side by side with Jesus Christ. When I know that He is helping my day to day choices and allowing me to be an example of His love and character to those around me. And I wouldn't give that peace up for anything in the world now. Once you make the decision to go from lukewarm to hot there is no comparison and you just can't go back.

What doesn't kill you...

I feel like I have so much to say lately. Lol. As you can all tell from my last post things have been a little challenging lately. Not only at home but also at work. I have to sit back and think, how did I get here? And I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean that in a good way. Because with all the stuff that the devil is trying to throw at me, I had two choices. I could just give up and give in, or I could fight right back. And I contemplated these choices. It was not a quick decision. Sometimes I thought, "What is the point?" If I choose not to care anymore it just won't hurt anymore. But then my past came to mind. I thought about how unhappy I was and how although I am going through trials right now, I have never been more happy and at peace with myself. And I know that if I go down that old road again it will just lead to the same hurt, pain and loneliness that I had before. So although choosing to fight back was the harder choice, it was the one that had to be made.
How have I fought back? I've thrown myself into prayer and Bible study. Making sure that my mind is constantly on the things of Christ and not this world. Of course this is hard. But when you pray diligently and avoid worldly things it becomes easier and easier. One specific thing I have been praying for is to be able to show Christ's character to others and not my own. This is an important prayer for me because it is people in specific that I am struggling with. The devil is using others to try and get me to fall. He knows that's my weakness. He knows that I can't stand stupidity and have a tendency to run my mouth off. So of course that is what he's been surrounding me with. I have been praying for weeks for patience and humility. And thankfully my prayers are slowly being answered. Whenever I got an email from someone or my husband said something to me in a certain way, my first reaction was always, "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!". I would catch myself and ask for forgiveness but continue to do it. So today I got a text from someone that normally would have caused that reaction. Without realizing it, I sent a quick response back and got back to what I was doing. After I put my phone away I realized what just happened and I laughed. I couldn't believe that my heart rate didn't increase and I wasn't rolling my eyes! And it felt so good!
So now I'm thinking about how thankful I am for the challenges I have been facing these past few months. Maybe it wasn't the devil, but maybe it was God. Maybe God wanted to challenge me in order to allow me to grow closer to Him. I know this sounds crazy but if it was the devil than I would have to thank him. Because I am in a place right now that I haven't been in a very long time and I am so happy for it. I can feel Christ with me throughout the day because I have been begging Him to be. It feels good to know that I can overcome even one of my biggest weaknesses with Christ by my side. It may be difficult to understand why your going through what you are going through but remember that God has a bigger plan for you than you have for yourself. (walk to remember lol) But it's true. You may not understand God's plan right now but you will in the future. When you are challenged, don't give up. Ask God to walk you through it and in the end you'll understand why.

His Strength and not my own

I feel like I have been circling the same topic over and over again with different messages at the end. The thing is I can't go into too much detail because it's personal but I can share with everyone what I'm getting out of it. Just remember to keep Justin and I in your prayers. We need it. The devil is attacking our home but I know God will have the victory!
Every time I feel like we've gotten somewhere, something else happens that just sets me back again. And it's just so frustrating when I've been praying about it sooo diligently. Morning, day and night I have one constant prayer. Slowly I can feel Justin and I moving forward and then BAM! Never mind. All I can say is at this point, I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted of praying. I'm exhausted of hoping. I'm exhausted of pretending to be cheerful when in reality I'm not. The real reality is I've been shaken. Shaken because I never expected to be in this situation and shaken because the devil wants me to doubt God's strength and power. Shaken because I have no words left for my husband. I keep thinking of this song from Casting Crowns. " I was sure by now, Lord you would have reached down and wiped my tears away. Stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say Amen and it's still raining...I'll praise you through this storm, and I  will lift my hands. You are who You are, no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried, you hold in your hands. You never left my side. Though my heart is torn, I'll praise you in this storm." 
As I sat in church on Sabbath and looked around, I kept wondering, what are they going through? Because I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. I'm not the only one who's exhausted. And I bet if I heard other people's stories I would laugh at how minor my problem seems. I pray that I  may be able to lean on God's strength from now on and not my own and that others who are just feeling beaten down by the devil may move forward with the Lord's strength when they feel they have no strength of their own left. "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For MY yoke is easy and MY burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

There is a light at the end

I've never really experienced true suffering in my life. I'm lucky to say that I've never had a close family member die or been in a financial struggle (other than College, thank God for student loans). The closest I have ever come to something like that was in high school when my ex-boyfriend's older brother died in a motorcycle accident. I was only sixteen and he and I had just broken up. Out of nowhere I get this phone call at 11:30pm from him. He's so upset he can't speak, but he finally says, "Jon's been in an accident, I don't think he's going to make it." Of course that wasn't an option in my mind so I replied, "Of course he is. He might be in the hospital for a while but he'll be fine." Thirty minutes later I get another phone call and this time I knew what happened. He didn't have to say a thing. I cried myself to sleep that night and kept dreaming that it was all a big joke. That he really didn't die and just showed up at the family's house. Worst joke ever, right? If I was having trouble sleeping and feeling the sorrow I felt, what could the family be feeling? The reason it hurt so much was because I knew how much Jon meant to my ex. Every time we talked about what we saw ourselves doing in the future, it was always, "well Jon did it this way, so that's how I'm going to do it." We spent a lot of time with Jon and his wife and his son. That was his best friend. All I kept thinking was, "What if Beba (my sister) died?"

With the job that I have it's easy to become a small part of people's lives. Sometimes people tell you things you never expected them to tell you or ask you things you never would expect them to ask. I personally like this part of my job because it gives me a chance to witness and talk about my faith to those who are going through a hard time. This happened to me twice this week. Yesterday while I was playing with a patient on the floor I just happen to look up at mom and ask her, "is everything OK?" She just looked at me and shook her head, no. I could tell she didn't want to say anything, but she did. She told me how by the end of the week she didn't know what was going to happen to her family because they haven't been able to  pay their mortgage and were going to be kicked out of their home. They had no place to go. Four kids and the parents. I tried to give her some advice and asked about family but there was no one they could turn to. We eventually were able to contact someone who could help with finding an apartment but I couldn't forget the suffering in her eyes. I prayed for her last night of course and hope all turns out well. 

Another mom I know, told me the story today of how she lost her four year old daughter in a fire four years ago. She showed me pictures today and began crying while showing them to me. I felt honored that she would show me those pictures. I talked to her about how lucky we are that we have a faith that tells us we will see our loved ones again. We just have to pray for that faith every day. But I reminded her that she will see her daughter again and to cling to that hope.

I don't know why God let's these kinds of things happen. Every time I see any kind of suffering it makes me hurt as well and I ask myself, why? All I've ever been able to come up with is that we live in an imperfect sinful world. But luckily we also believe that this isn't the only world we are going to live in. I pray and hope that those who have lost loved ones or are going through difficult times will remember that there are better times ahead when there will be no more suffering, pain, or death.  "He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4.  That's a promise that Jesus gives us and I hope we can all remember through the hard times. 

God will not give up on you or your neighbor

In church today I heard a message from the special music as well as the sermon. I'm not sure the exact name of the song but the main line went like this, "dont' give up on God, He won't give up on  you." After the song was over the man singing it just kept repeating that same line over and over again. And as I was closing my eyes and singing it, I thought of the meaning to those words in my life. Personally I've never struggled with accepting the whole story of sin and redemption. It was good news to me. "You mean all I have to do is repent and then I can live for all eternity in Heaven? Sign me up!" What I've struggled with is the whole part after that. Following Jesus's purpose in my life. Lately this has been falling into place as well.
So when I was singing this line I wasn't thinking so much about me but those close to me that struggle with accepting Jesus Christ as their personal savior. In my mind I was thinking of it more like, "Don't give up on so and so, cause God won't give up on them." It's hard for me sometimes when I get questioned about things I personally have questions about as well. For example, when people ask me, "If God knew that Lucifer was going to sin, why did He create him in the first place?" Or, "Why would God let so many people die to sin if He was so loving and merciful?" I really don't like those two questions. Personally, I have my own answer but they may not be what the person is looking to hear. And I understand it's hard to understand God, that's why I don't try. In my life I've personally known what it's like to walk with God and walk without God and I know which one I prefer. There is no peace like the peace you find when you walk in the Spirit. To me, that is all the answer I need.
I understand that everyone has different personalities. I understand that it is not as easy for some to accept as others because of the way that their mind works. They want answers, they want facts. And when I'm talking to these kinds of people I can get easily frustrated. I can't understand why something so simple to me is so difficult for them. And in my heart sometimes I feel there's just no hope for them. But today when I was listening to that song I realized those are thoughts the devil is putting into my head. Because as aChristian I believe there is not one soul God cannot reach. I honestly believe that. So when I start to think these things that is not the Spirit talking, that's the devil. I smiled to myself when I realized this in church today and I thanked God for opening my heart to realize this. And although I'm going to get frustrated again and again in the future, I will not give up, because God hasn't and He has a plan for that person and that person's life.

All you need is faith

The topic of the Sabbath school class is very interesting this week. It's interesting because it is something I believe so many people struggle with, including me. Justin and I talk about this all the time. And I think it's something that Seventh Day Adventists in general have to continually remind themselves of because we can easily fall into legalism. Anyways the topic is Righteousness by Faith.
Romans continually tells us that we are not saved by our works but by our faith in Jesus Christ. Our faith that His death on the cross was the atonement for our sin and that no matter how good we are we can never earn our salvation. I think a lot of people, especially those who have strayed from the church, keep telling themselves that once they get the partying out of their system, or the drinking, or the adultery, or the drug use, or even just watching television on the Sabbath, they will go back to church. And how can we blame them? Every time they step into church most of the members look down on them because they know their not "in church". I hate that about people in the church. A lot of us instead of embracing them act like they shouldn't be there. Wasn't it Jesus Himself who said that the church is for those who are sick, not healed?
I believe that this is exactly what the devil wants us to think. He wants us to believe that because we are still sinning we cannot yet come to God. That we have to be clean first before we can make an effort to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. And as long as he continues to make you feel this way you will never have a relationship with Christ because it is only through Him that you can overcome anything at all. If I continued to wait until I had my life in order before I committed myself completely to Christ I would not be where I am today. When I began to pray every day and read my Bible every night is when a lot of things started coming together for me. I'm not saying I'm the perfect Christian because every day I struggle with my weaknesses. Every day I pray for meekness and for God's help with being a Christian example to everyone I come across. But I wouldn't be able to be that example without Jesus's help.
If you are putting off having a relationship with Christ because you don't have a handle on your life yet, it's never going to happen. Take small steps. Say a quick prayer in the morning before leaving the house. Read a chapter in the Bible before you go to bed. I promise you He will begin to help you overcome your sin and continually help you with your daily struggles. And that effort alone is all He wants. He doesn't care if your perfect. He only cares that you try.

Waiting for God's answer

We sometimes face challenges in our lives that we just don't understand. When I was reading my Sabbath school lesson a few days ago it said something like, we can make plans but that doesn't mean that life is going to go that way. And that's exactly what I did. Since I was a little girl I've pictured my perfect life with my perfect husband in my perfect house with my perfect children. And when I walked down that aisle I was on my to that plan. But of course just like any marriage I've hit detours on the way. Situations I never expected to be in. And again I continued to ask, why?
This past week I've been asking that a lot. Not so much why but, "Lord give me answers". I've been praying earnestly every day for these answers and nothing was coming. So of course I start thinking of my own answers. Worldly unholy answers. "Maybe if I ask so and so they can give me some advice". "Maybe if I tell so and so this won't seem like such a big problem". I just couldn't move forward with any of these solutions though because I knew they were not what God wanted me to do, so I continued to wait for my answer.
This morning in the car as I was driving a certain text came in my head. Cast all your burdens onto me. I realized I hadn't done that. I was continuing to worry and worry but not trust in God to help me with my challenge. So I did that. I put it aside and concentrated on the rest of my day.
After doing some chores when I got home this afternoon I decided to read a little from this book that I've been reading. It's called Feminine Appeal. And basically it goes through virtues that a Godly wife should have. As I'm reading this book I came across a text that I have read so many times but completely forgot about. When I read that text I got the first part of my answer. It was definitely an aha moment. Then the author spoke about challenges that a wife cannot face alone and where to go for guidance. See I was torn between talking to a pastor or talking to a family member. Well I got my answer. "Seek Godly advice". I'm not saying I won't get that from a family member but I knew what God was telling me. This afternoon I got both my answers from God. The moment I let go and let God. It took some patience but I think He was waiting for me to place my complete confidence in Him. There may be things your struggling with, marriage, job, family, addictions, etc. And you ask yourself, how did I get in this situation, this is not what I planned for. But God has a bigger plan and He has all the answers. Just wait and see and place your confidence in the Lord.

And the greatest of these is LOVE

This quarter's sabbath school lesson ended on social relationships and our need for a social support in our lives. The lesson discussed how people who are sick have a higher chance of getting better if they have a social support. Or that having a strong social support can prevent you from getting sick in the first place. The whole point was, we need people in our lives.
When we were discussing the lesson in sabbath school this week we kind of got in the topic of what kind of social support God intended us to have. We talked about the fact that God originally created human beings with the character that Christ demonstrated while He was here on Earth. When we tried to think of what words could describe Adam and Eve before sin words like pureness, joy, content, and complete unselfishness came up. Complete unselfishness kind of stuck with all of us. We all sat there and thought for a second what this world would look like if we all had complete unselfishness. And it got me to think of so much after that.
The way society today views social relationships is completely different than the way God intended us to experience them. Today the messages that we are constantly getting from society is that it's all about YOU, when God tells us it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with everybody else. I feel that today if we are not happy with a friend, or family member, or husband, or wife we just cast them to the side because they are not benefiting our lives so why keep them there? That's what today's standards are like. Basically if you are not fulfilling my needs for a friend/spouse then you can just leave. And I feel that is why it is so hard to find true real relationships based on love.
If we are supposed to be reflecting Jesus's character to those around us, especially our friends and family, why do we get so mad when they've done something to hurt us? Jesus knew that Judas was going to betray him, that Peter was going to deny him, that He was going to be crucified by the very people who had just called Him Messiah. Yet each time He forgave. And on the cross He asked God to forgive us for killing Him. Why? Because we know not what we do. That's the point. WE KNOW NOT WHAT WE DO. We are born sinful and selfish. It is hard for us to grasp the idea of something not centered around us. But that's not what love is. Love is dying to self and choosing to give what you can to those around you. That's the kind of love Jesus demonstrated while He was here on Earth.
Someone in the Sabbath school class said, "what is the opposite of Love? It's not hate, it's SELFISHNESS." That was new to me but too true to deny. If you want to truly love and truly build better relationships choose every day to be there for someone through thick and thin through right and wrong. And remember when they hurt you that they know not what they do and forgive. That alone is one of the biggest testimonies you can give. I pray that I can show that  kind of love to those in my life every day.

Happy Father's Day Papi

I am very fortunate and blessed to say that I was raised with a father in my home all of my life. My parents have now been married for 31 years this December. They waited five years to begin having children and along came me. Growing up I didn't appreciate my father. We had a very rocky relationship my adolescent years. But I have to also say that I wasn't exactly the easiest teenager to have. Between lots of lying and sneaking around my dad definitely had his hands full. After all these years and when I got to college I really came to appreciate his firm hand and how he raised me.
My father comes from a strick Puerto Rican home. One foot out of line and you were dead. So he expected his kids to have that kind of respect as well. It's kind of hard when your growing up in a society where firm hands really aren't so prevalent anymore. But my father did not care. It didn't phase him that everyone elses kids hung out at the mall every Saturday night or that kids were allowed to hang out with their friends in the middle of the week. In my house it was school, home, church, home, friends come over to our place. Even when it was a school trip my dad had to think long and hard before he signed those papers. Of course as I teenager I did not appreciate these rules and rebelled against them as much as I could.
When I was fifteen I went to a prayer conference and everything changed. I had my first encounter with Jesus Christ and I was never the same again. My relationship with both my parents changed drastically, but even so more with my father. I still sometimes didn't agree with everything he did but for the most part I understood why.
Today I can honestly say that I am the woman I am because of the amazing father I had growing up. A man that I got to watch as well slowly grow a more personal relationship with Jesus Christ. A man who never judged anyone and always had an open mind about everyone's story. A man who would do anything for his friends and church family in need. A man who would do what needed to be done to give his girls not only what they needed, but what they wanted as well. I hope and pray that I can have that character as I continue to get older with my children and those around me. That I may not be the first to judge someone but help them out and have that firm hand with my kids, even though it's not the preferred way to raise children these days. Because of this steady example that I had all my life I believe in Jesus Christ and choose to build a relationship with him. Because I know it wasn't easy for my dad, but he made the effort so why can't I? Thank you  Papi for being an amazing Christian father and the best dad anyone could have hoped and prayed for. Happy Father's Day.

The devil ain't worried about those he already has

It's amazing what happens when you decide to spend some more time with Jesus and build a closer relationship with him. Fires, fires, fires, fires. Today I was confronted by a fire that I've never encountered before.
While I was working today I found ten dollars in my back pocket. It's a pair of jeans I haven't worn in a while and I guess I left ten dollars there the last time I wore them. I got all excited and decided I would treat myself to some subway on the way home with my ten dollars.
The subway I went to was at a gas station. While I filled up my tank I decided to go get my food. Locked my car door, grabbed my keys and my ten dollars. While I was waiting for my food I was holding my drink, my food, my keys  and my money. When it is my turn to go up to pay for my food I look down and my ten dollar bill isn't there anymore. I look back and briefly see it on the floor. I say briefly because in comes a hand and swoops it right up. This big guy decides to take my money and not say anything. Luckily, I saw him pick it up. So I say to him, "Sir can you please give me my money?" He says, " I don't know what your talking about." But with a smirk on his face. At first I think he's joking. So I kind of laugh and ask again. But once again he says he doesn't have anything. I quickly realize that this guy is not going to give me my money. I start getting a little upset. And I tell him that I saw him pick up my ten dollar bill and put it in his pocket. Meanwhile he's at an ATM not even looking at me and repeating that he doesn't have my money and to back off. At this point I'm ANGRY. I can't even believe this guy is going to lie straight to my face and keep my ten dollars that I was about to use for my food. But he is persistent, meanwhile still smirking. By this time I am yelling and the whole store can hear me. I didn't curse, thankfully but I just was upset that somebody could just take money from someone else like that and think it's a joke.
Basically there's yelling back and forth for five minutes and I'm not about to try and go into his pocket cause he looks like the type that would swing at a woman, so I walk away and say, "That's fine keep it." But I am livid. He gets into his car and as he's driving away starts laughing and blows me kisses. What I wouldn't give to be a man at that point and punch this guy in the face. I get into my car and just start balling. Cry, cry, cry. Not because of the stupid ten dollars, but because somebody had the nerve to treat me that way.
I got home and all I could think of was what just happened that I can't even enjoy my meal that I was looking forward to all day. When I finally got the chance to calm down, I asked God, "why." "Why when I'm trying so hard to be so close to you, does all of this stuff happen to me?" At that point I realized it wasn't the man who did that to me, it was the devil working through him. The devil sees me reading my Bible every night, reading devotional books instead of random novels, making more of an effort to add God into my marriage and he is attacking sooooo hard. But Justin said, "you should feel good. Because that means he's threatened." Before the beginning of the year my life was pretty easy. Went through every day like nothing. And I feel that these past few months have been hard. But I know why. The devil isn't going to go down without a fight. But it says it in the Bible, when you choose to stand for Jesus, you will have very hard times. Well, let those hard times keep coming, cause I'm standing firm in the Lord.

Sex and the City: Secular vs. Christian Part II

It's been a few days since my last post. I got sick and just didn't want to do anything but what I had to do and then lie in bed and wait to die. While I laid in bed all day I also watched a television show. I guess it's my new secret shame. Ok I will just say it, I am watching the series Sex and the City. It all began with the movie. I never got into the show because I was kind of young when it first came out and in college I never could afford HBO. But I always had an interest in it. When the movie came out I saw it and I liked it a lot. So recently I decided to download the series and watch it from the beginning. I knew it would be sexually explicit but I didn't know how bad. Maybe to some people it's not that serious but to me it was a little shocking. But now I am so into the plot and the love stories that I can't stop watching it.
I'm very careful about what I watch on TV. I know everyone says there is no gray line but with television I think there has to be. I make sure that what I'm watching isn't too bad. I have a list of shows I watch and I stick to it. I watch: Dancing with the stars, Biggest loser, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Ugly Betty, Parenthood, and Glee. Now that I'm writing the list out it seems like a lot, but not to me. This gives me between 1-2 hours a night of television. That's another thing, I don't like watching too much TV. I think it's a waste of time. I'd rather be playing Sudoku then sit in front of the television for more than two hours just flipping channels.
And now I'm watching Sex and the City. I'm down to the last two seasons and I'm almost done. Do I agree with the multiple sexual partners and sleeping with every guy you date? NO. Am I comfortable with watching men and women hump each other til the sun goes down in every episode? NO. The majority of the stuff on this show is what I try to avoid and yet I can't stop watching it and won't. So where do I stand now? I'm not sure. I just feel that everyone has their own personal battles to fight and luckily for me promiscuity isn't one of mine. I honesty believe that everybody's walk with Jesus is completely different. The Lord knows that everyone has their cross to bear and their weaknesses. But so does the devil. He knows where he can get you and how to do it. That's why I continue to build my relationship with Christ and I continue to pray specifically for the things I need help with. Like, my pride and vanity. That is where I'm weak. I love shiny things and I like to show them off. So I pray to God every day to give me the meekness to avoid these two traits. But sleeping around with half the city? I'm not too concerned with that. I know exactly where I stand with that. Should I be watching people doing that? No. I don't really get anything out of watching that kind of stuff. But then again, others do. That may be a gateway to making you want to watch something a little more explicit. Know what are your weaknesses and where your limits are. And pray every day to God that he may help you avoid those things and make you stronger. As I said, every person's walk with Jesus is completely different. So even though in my mind Sex and the city is ok for me, it may not be for you. Ask God.

The Daily Battle Between Christian and Secular, Part I

Every morning when I get into my car I have to decide whether I am going to listen to Christian or secular music. Most of the time Christian wins out but there are those days where I'm just in the mood to shake my hips and nod my head. (yes I do dance in my car)
Christian didn't used to win most of the time. It's more of a recent thing. It began in January when I got back from my Christmas break. There is this morning radio show in DC that is all the fab. When I first began my job in October I found out about this show and would listen to it religiously every morning between patients. The Kane show. These people were hilarious. I have never been so into a show before. I even called once to talk about my dog, Pablito. They didn't pick up my line unfortunately but I was really close. Anyways, when I got back from Christmas break and I turned it on they were talking about porn and sex noises. People started calling in and making these sex sounds over the phone, another woman talked about how her and her husband watch porn five times a day together and that's why their sex life is so hot. It was just gross to me. I switched to another radio station and never turned back.
See it wasn't that one show, it was every show. And I wondered to myself, "why do I find this so entertaining?". I mean I call myself a Christian right? And I didn't even like the music they played. I just dealt with it for the show. It was one of those top 20 stations. They played the same 10 songs all day long. If I had to hear, baby are you down down down down down, one more time I was going to shoot myself in the head.
So I began listening to the Christian radio station. At first their morning show bored the crap out of me. I couldn't stand the way they would talk to each other and all this family friendly chatter was also driving me crazy. But between that and the sex noises I knew what I was choosing. Now I really enjoy the show. I find the conversations interesting. For example, the other day they were talking about how our generation who are in their 20's don't necessarily call themselves "religious" anymore we call ourselves "spiritual". People started calling in and explaining what they think the difference was, it was actually very interesting.
The thing with everything though is you can't get too much. So now I'm getting tired of my Christian station because they play the same songs all day long as well. I love Toby Mac but I need a break. And I have been turning to my CD's. The problem is I really don't have much of a Christian collection. So it's kind of been between Selah, Casting Crowns, Maggie Erickson and Rascall Flatts. Yes, I do count Rascall Flatts as part of my Christian section, that's how sad my Christian section is. So now I'm researching good Christian music online that I can download so I can have options in my CD player. Please anyone if you have any suggestions please let me know. I need all the help I can get. My parents have been listening to the same two cassettes every Sabbath for the past twenty years and I think I'm headed in the same direction.

walking without a connection

Today became technology crisis day. Somewhere between my fourth and fifth patient I lost my phone without realizing it. By the time I finished with my sixth and final patient I was realized it was gone. My appointment book was also missing so I figured I left it at the house before. I called a few people from my patient's mom's cell phone but I was unable to locate it. OMG. I'm not the typical person who needs their phone just to get to work and back and sometimes in the evening. I use my phone all day long. I have to constantly be making phone calls to set up appointments and talk to my co-workers who are also on the road all day. How can this happen?
By the time I realize I've officially lost it I need to go because I have an appointment at Toyota for a oil change to Pietro (my Prius). I'm in a completely different side of town that I'm not familiar with so I try to take a back route to get to Toyota and that turns out to be a mess. I easily get lost and then my gas light starts blinking on some highway in the middle of nowhere. OMG. I have to look for a gas station close by but for whatever reason my GPS/techno packet decided not to work. And I don't have my phone so I can't look up where I can go or where I am. All I have is some dumb DC atlas that I haven't really figured out how to read yet. I have to pull over and I finally get my GPS to work. I find a gas station and as I'm filling up my car walk over to a pay phone to call my husband and tell him to call Toyota to tell them that I'm going to be late. Of course the pay phone isn't working either. At this point I'm feeling completely off my I don't even know what, because NOBODY KNOWS THAT I'M GOING TO BE LATE TO MY APPOINTMENT!
On my way to Toyota I finally calm down when I realize I'm only going to be 20 minutes late. I decide to listen to my XM radio on my way there. Of course it is no longer working because my three months free is up. But I didn't want to listen to regular radio with commercials and talking, gross. I finally make it to my appointment at Toyota and they didn't even notice or care that I was late.
It's funny because this morning as I was heading out to work I realized that I didn't spend any time with God yesterday or this morning before I went to work. I've been making more of an effort to have worship in the morning with Justin before we go to work but that didn't happen yesterday or today. I made a quick prayer in my car and went on my way. Somehow I can survive the entire day with a quick , "hey God", in the morning but will die without my cell phone, GPS, or XM radio. I really wish it was the other way around. I wish that my daily time with God was so important that if I didn't get it I would just feel off for the rest of the day. Maybe God made me lose my phone on purpose so that I would realize that I need to have that daily connection with him all day as well.

It's not always about you

I cried yesterday in church when the sermon was almost over. I have not cried over a sermon in like ten years. I was embarrassed and my husband was moved to silence. See these past few weeks have been hard. As I mentioned before things at work have not been going great and well just like in any marriage, everyone has their issues. Saturday morning before we went to church one of these issues came up again. Something I thought we had moved past but apparently not. So I'm downstairs cleaning the kitchen (cause that's what I do now when I stress out instead of eat) and asking God,"why, why, why. I didn't sign up for this when I married this guy." I'm pretty sure those of you who are married can relate. There is so much more you learn about a person after you say I do and move in. The first few months your thinking, "what the heck did I get myself into?". Well I was having one of those moments Saturday morning.
We get to church and then the sermon begins. My pastor spoke about Shadrach, Mesach, and Abednego. He correlated it with the story of the burning bush in Exodus. He compared the fact that these three men and the bush were not consumed by the fire. That they didn't even smell of smoke when they came out. And because they were not consumed by this external fire the king proclaimed their God as the only God. They didn't say anything. All they said was, "we will not worship your gods". But because the fire was unable to touch them the king believed. Our pastor said you have to be the bush and these three men. The devil is going to throw fire after fire after fire at you, at work at home, but you have to show them that the fire can't touch you because you stand with God. I felt that this sermon was specifically written for me. I've been asking God every day, why, why, why? And yesterday he gave me an answer. He was hoping I would be a witness to my co-workers and to my husband. He was hoping that these fires going on at my job and in my home would not touch me and they would believe. But instead I complained to my co-workers and threw a hissy fit at my husband and I let the fires consume me.
I was hurt. I felt like I failed some kind of test, which I know isn't true. But I have more of an understanding now regarding the things that are going on in my life and how to deal with them. My pastor also said that we can't fight the external fires without learning how to fight the internal fires first. These fires are fear and doubt. How do we learn to fight these fires? Continuing to build a more personal relationship with Jesus Christ. What I realized was that I need to spend more time every day with Jesus. I need to get to know him on a more personal level. Because until I have that relationship full of trust with my Savior these fires are just going to continue to consume me.

Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord

One day I said, "I love my job, I am so blessed.". The next day the devil decided he was going to make my job a living nightmare. This has been going on the past few weeks with different things from different sides. And every day I would stress more and more about it and wonder why I ever asked God to give me this job in the first place. So I'm just going to come out and say one of the things, the major one. My boss asked me to go see "extra support" (tutor) to help me with my writing skills because my evaluations were not up to her standards. Woah this was a big blow. I had mentioned previously that I am a very proud person so this was very hard to swallow. And this relates to all things that are in any way critical of anything I do. I try my best to take constructive criticism well but it's just not in my nature. It is hard for me to admit when I am wrong about anything. This has been extremely challenging in my marriage, where Justin and I are both the most stubborn people in the world and cannot admit we are wrong unless we are caught red handed. For example, a few weeks ago we went to Massachusetts for my mother's graduation. We had to drive back on a Sunday so Justin refused to drive because the traffic was going to be craaaazy, according to him. I like driving so I didn't care. But I kept telling him the traffic was not going to be bad. Off we left at 9:00am. By 2:30pm we were sitting on our couch in Maryland ready to watch the first game of the Celtics/Magic series. I mentioned the fact that we made it in six and a half hours and he looked at me with this sheepish grin of course. Point: I was right, he was wrong.
Needless to say I did not want to receive this extra support my boss wanted me to get. Why? There was no reason I needed it. Well, because I do like my job and she is my boss, I dragged myself to this meeting and met with this woman. I told her straight forward that I did not need to be there and that I think my writing skills are just fine. I have my Doctorate for a reason right? Obviously not in English. She was very nice and very open to what I had to say. We began the session, which was only supposed to be for one hour and ended up being two. Why? Because I had so many questions! Although my writing was good (not great) there were little errors here and there that consistently continued to make. After she pointed them out to me and went over a few of my reports I saw what my boss meant. It wasn't like I was starting from scratch but I needed someone to just steer me in the right direction with a few things. I left that session feeling so blessed. And I mean that Blessed. It was a hard lesson to swallow but God made his point. All I needed was to humble myself, which was hard, and allow someone to show me a few things and I was that much better off for it. I got an English lesson, but I got a spiritual one as well. There are too many verses in the Bible regarding pride, but the main point is, pride is for the foolish. If you want to be wise humble yourself. Lesson learned.

The Girl without the pearl earring

I love to spend money. Most people who know me, know that I can spend spend spend and not think twice about if I really need something. My husband Justin is the exact opposite. He won't spend the money even if he needs it. So recently we both came together and decided that we (I) need to be more careful with how we spend money and save more. We realized we were spending way too frugurously and that we could put a lot more in savings if we paid attention. So yesterday afternoon I vowed in front of my husband that I would not spend unnecessarily this whole entire summer so that we could put more aside in savings and start on some house projects.
Today we decided we would go to Annapolis and have some diner there and ice cream. Beautiful day to be out walking around and it's a very cute city. After we had our diner, which was within our budget, and we started walking over to the ice cream shop I saw a cute little silver jewelry store. I figured that most of the stuff was going to be unreasonably priced so I figured why not go in and take a look. (I like to do this so that I can point stuff out to Justin and he can maybe start getting a hint of the kinds of things I like.) Well to my surprise the jewelry was actually reasonably priced. So much so that I came upon a cute simple pair of pearl earrings. They were a tear drop kind of design and were small pearls so not too flashy. Just my taste. I look at the price and OMG it's only $28! I reach inside my purse and realize I forgot my wallet inside my car. At this point I look over to my husband with the sweetest look on my face and say, "pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase". Of course the answer was no. He brought up our little budget meeting and this is exactly what he was talking about, blah blah blah blah blah. I kept repeating that they were sooooooooo cute and sooooooooooo cheap. But he just kept saying no. It got to the point where he just walked out of the store and left me there.
I was so angry with him. $28! That's all it was. In my heart I knew he was right but $28! We had ice cream and instead of a sugar cone he paid the extra dollar for a waffle cone! That made me even more angry. We sat on a bench on the side walk and I just couldn't get my mind off of the earrings. Is this how the whole summer is going to go? I love going out during the summer. Why didn't we decide to do this in the winter when I never go out and I'm not in temptations way? I'm not sure if I can do this. I guess I'm just going to have to avoid even "window" shopping. Cause I know I can't even handle that. The point I'm trying to make is I know I'm weak with shopping. I see something and I've got to have it. Everybody knows what their weaknesses are. Whether it be shopping, alcohol, weed, adultery, etc. I know the only way I'm going to stop wasteful spending is if I avoid going to the stores period. Which is a sacrifice I'm going to try my best to make. But if you are trying to stop drinking so much, or stop smoking pot, or stop cheating on your husband, DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU KNOW YOUR GOING TO DO IT! That's just asking for trouble.
I'm still mad that I'm not wearing a fabulous pair of pearl earrings right now. If I could go back I probably would snatch Justin's wallet and run back to the store to pay for them. But I'm pretty sure that by this time next week there will be another item on my mind that I want to purchase and the pearl earrings will be forgotten. But they would have looked so cute on my ears.

Are you ready to be a Daniel

Our church pastor has recently started a new series going over the book of Daniel. This is great for me because I love the book of Daniel and I think it's one of my favorite books in the Bible. And Daniel is one of my favorite characters. I tend to relate to David because of all of his mistakes but I wish I was more like Daniel. He just had this no excuse for his faith attitude and answered to no one but God. I always thought, "man I wish I was as steady in my faith as Daniel was". Time and time again he proved his loyalty and faith in God and time and time again God poured out His blessings on this amazing man.
Our pastor had an interesting view on things and allowed me to see the story from a different side. He spoke about King Nebuchadnezzar and Daniel. In the first few sentences he said, "Daniel couldn't have been Daniel without Nebuchadnezzar.". Isn't that interesting. I'm not going to list all the verses but if you read through Daniel 2 you'll pick it up. Nebuchadnezzar needed someone to interpret his dreams. But when his usual men came in to help him, he said, "tell me the dream first and then interpret it". My pastor said this was because he was tired of fake people around him. He wanted the real deal. He also was not a believer in God. And he was troubled by these dreams. He couldn't sleep because they were bothering him so much. And, God chose to reveal this very important dream to Nebuchadnezzar, not Daniel.
So basically we represent Daniel, and Nebuchadnezzar represents the people in the world who are searching for something more than this life. People who are tired of fake Christians and people who really don't know what their talking about. He came to Daniel and Daniel was able to deliver. Let me rephrase that, God was able to deliver. So the question is, are you ready to be a Daniel for those around you who are looking for more. This is what I asked myself in church today. I can think of so many people who I know that are definately looking for something more, but am I ready to be Daniel for them. To tell them, all the answers to your questions are found in Jesus Christ. Not only that but am I ready to be that example for them, the real deal. There are so many things I myself struggle with every day, how can I really bring someone to Christ? This isn't something the pastor went into but I kind of came up with an answer myself.
Daniel didn't go around preaching to people and telling them to turn from their sins. Three examples: He chose not to eat the king's food but chose to eat water and vegetables. He was able to tell the king his dream and interpret it. Last but not least, he refused to stop praying and ended up being thrown into a den of lions because of it. What happened? He survived the night and the king proclaimed Daniel's God to be most high. I guess that's all we have to do. Be constant examples to those around us. I've definately been in the situation where I've had a drink in my hand and somehow the conversation of me being Adventist came up. Of course the person would always say, "aren't you guys not supposed to drink?" Uh yeah but.... I always wonder how much more of an example I could have been if I didn't have a drink in my hand and where the conversation could have led to. I'm telling this to myself and to you. You don't have to pursue someone to witness to them. Once you set your life apart for God they will come to you, just like King Nebuchadnezzar came to Daniel.

Do not covet thy neighbor's house

I guess when you have one bad day it kind of just naturally carries over to the next. That is why I am sooo happy this is a long weekend. Today I had seven kids on my schedule. For those of you who do not know, I do home care for kids in DC and sometimes Maryland. On a normal day I only have six kids but I wanted to finish early tomorrow so I thought I would add one more today. That did not work out. The hottest day of the year and everybody and their mother decides to come to DC. So by the time I'm on my way to see my fourth patient I'm already an hour behind schedule. Mind you, I had to get home by a certain time because Justin and I were picking out shrubs for our yard. So I cancel my second to last appointment and reschedule it for tomorrow. So much for getting out early.
My last appointment was an evaluation, someone I had never seen before. After I put the address in my GPS and start driving I realize I'm not going to be in my usual neighborhoods. I primarily work in the very low income areas of DC. Basically places you don't want to get lost in. When I first started this job I was very nervous and scared all the time. Not to mention that I stick out like a sore thumb because I'm the only white person in the neighborhood. But I got used to it very quickly. I did not have to worry about that in my last patient's neighborhood. Basically this was on the complete opposite side of DC and I had a nice relaxing and peaceful feeling driving through the old colonial houses and seeing little white children riding by on their bikes. I thought to myself, "man I wish this is where I worked every day".
Once I got inside I became even more jealous because there were boxes lying around the house so I could tell they had recently  moved in. I thought, "how come they can afford this place but I can't". Believe me, we looked it into it. Way out of our budget. I appreciated the brand new kitchen, the hardwood floors, and the crown molding. During my evaluation someone knocked on the door. It was a nice friendly old lady who lived down the street and came to drop off some cookies. I never got cookies from my neighbors when I moved into my house. Not fair. I want cookies. By the time I left the house and began to drive home I couldn't help by covet this amazing neighborhood and cute houses and wish that I had the money to live there.
By the time I got home I was ready to tell my husband that I wanted to move. I want a brand new kitchen, I want hard wood floors, I want crown molding, I want, I want, I want. But see that's the great thing about working where I work and why I believe God put me there and gave me this job. Most of my families live in 1-2 bedroom houses where kids sleep with parents or share a room with mom and dad because there is no other place for them to sleep. 6 member families in a one bedroom apartment. And here I am complaining because I don't have hardwood floors and yet it's just me and Justin in a four bedroom house. How dare I complain. God allows me the chance every day to be grateful for that which I have because I see how much others don't have. For whatever reason today I got to go see life on the other side and it made me a little jealous. I'm just thankful that I'm not in that situation every day because I can't even imagine how ungrateful I would be. I have way too much to be thankful for to be concerned with granite or stainless steel.

Poor little old me

I had an interesting day. Several things going on. I have been praying about my food consumption for several weeks. I like to eat a lot. Not only do I like to eat, I like to eat bad food. I have been managing my weight because of this for many years. I have been successful enough to keep myself within a certain range and never pass. Well I'm close to that borderline at this time so my weight watching is getting started. I prayed this morning and said, "Lord help me make good choices with food today and help me not to over eat.". For lunch instead of getting a McChicken I went to subway and ordered a six inch turkey sub. No soda, no chips. Yayyyy! First meal, success.
   There was traffic on the highway on my way home today. When I finally drove by the accident that was causing the traffic, I had tears in my eyes. All I could see was the back of a sedan rolling up from under a huge truck. As I keep driving, I see the rest of the car underneath the truck. From the way the fire fighters and EMT people were standing around I could tell there were no survivors. Not even sure if they had even started trying to take the people out. Of course I almost started crying and I couldn't help but pray at that moment for God to be with the families of the people in the car.
    When I got home I went straight to check my work email to finalize my day. Let's just say that I received an email that did not make me happy. In fact it kind of hurt personally. I guess it wasn't meant to hurt me personally but it did. Professionally as well. I've worked really hard in school to be where I am and when someone says something that kind of demeans your hard work and professionalism it hurts personally. That's as much as I will say. I was literally sitting at my kitchen table balling my eyes out and and cursing at some people (sorry). Justin was trying to comfort me and ask me if there is anything he can do. Eventually I calmed down and we decided to go out for Mexican.
  Remember how I had a good meal earlier today. Totally ruined with chips and salsa, chicken with melted cheese on top, rice, beans, 2 cups of soda, and a banana fried cheese cake thing, which I had to share with Justin. Boooo. Well so much for eating well today. Maybe tomorrow. I had calmed down enough during the meal to share some jokes with Andre and Justin and the married life that by the time we were on our way home I remembered the accident I saw earlier today. It made me think of my over reaction to a stupid email and how I should be thankful that I have a job. Not only a job, but a job that I love, and how many people can say that? Not only a job that I love, but a job that pays well. Not only a job that pays well, but a job where I get to serve those less fortunate than me and I get paid for it. AMAZING. I have a home, an amazing husband, amazing family, and most of all, I have LIFE. I don't know exactly what happened to the individuals in that car accident. I pray that somehow they survived. But if not, I am also thankful that if anything like that were to happen to me or anyone I love one day, I have the knowledge of knowing that's not the end for us. Because we believe in a higher power, and the gift of salvation. Which let's me know that I will be sleeping and the next time I open up my eyes, I will see my Lord and Savior smiling down on me. And that is one promise that can get you through anything every day. This world is temporary. The next world is permanent.

Cooking for my hubby

Any woman who's been married more than a few months knows there are two sure ways to put a smile on your husbands face. One, make them a nice home cooked meal. Two, well if your a married woman I don't even need to say what two is. Well if you want to put a smile on your husbands face every day I suggest you start cooking. When I first got married I was really into the whole wifey clean and cook and make my husband Justin happy routine. That died really quickly after the first few months. I didn't even start working until about three months after we got married but I got lazy and just didn't feel like cooking for him. Well that was the beginning of all problems. Any time we began arguing about anything, whether it was cleaning or taking the dog out, me not cooking for him always came up. Even after I started working. This really frustrated me because all Justin did when he got home was sit on the couch and watch TV. I was still doing all the cleaning, laundry, dishes, taking care of the dog. But I noticed something. Every time I did feel like making him a nice meal he was much more up to doing what I wanted to do and helping me out. Not always, but most of the time.
    So two weeks ago I started thinking, "hmmmm, maybe I'll start cooking for Justin every day for work instead of just 2 times a week". I have to say that ever since I started doing this things have been amazing. Justin always leaves and comes home with a big smile on his face. He gives me kisses while I'm cooking, and even asks if there is anything he can do to help. Not only that but when I ask him to do something, more often than not, he'll actually do it. Who would of ever thought? Well Jesus did. Apparently Jesus has always been big on the whole serving others thing. Luke 22:26 says "Those who are greatest among you shall take the lowest rank, and the leader shall be like a servant." So basically by me serving my husband, I am actually leading him to do more around the house. lol. I know this sounds ridiculous but to me it makes sense. Once I began to serve Justin and do the one thing he asked, he began listening to me more. And it goes both ways. I listen to him more as well. There hasn't been as much arguing or yelling (on my part) going on in my house these past few weeks and I'm thankful for it. And if me cooking every day is the solution to all of our problems (probably isn't) than I'm going to keep on cooking!
     Next time you and your significant other have an argument, instead of saying, "you don't do this for me, or that for me", or "what it is about me?", ask them "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU."

Patience is a virtue

Recently at my mother's graduation (MS in family counseling) the president of the Boston Red Sox was the keynote speaker. I liked him because he kept it brief.  I don't really remember what he said except for one thing, "throughout life your going to encounter difficult people and your going to be tempted to put them in their place, but don't. Just be pleasant." Aint that the truth. Something I have recently figured out on my own, but was confirmed by a very wise man. I have to admit, and most of you who already know me will admit it to, I am a difficult person. This is something I have been struggling with from a very young age. I have always been too proud for my own good (that's another day) and I don't exactly warm up to people very easily, so at first I can come off as mean. But when I encounter another difficult person I just want to put them in their place. Too many times I have let my tongue get the best of me and have definitely paid the consequences for it. One time in high school I told a teacher he was full of crap in front of the whole classroom when he gave us a test that he knew we weren't entirely ready for. Definitely got a detention for that one. Slowly but surely I have learned that not just most times, but all times it is best to just not say anything.
    People know when they are difficult. I myself just admitted it to you. When you choose to turn your cheek and be pleasant, they will notice. And if they don't notice it, others will. When I was doing one of my clinical internships during my last year in physical therapy school, I had a patient who I think was on the top of the list of the world of difficult people. He was one of those individuals who was too smart, and because of that couldn't quite blend in with the rest of society. Whenever we tried to explain things to him or correct an exercise he was doing wrong he would just yell at us. Maybe it was because I needed to pass this internship or because the Holy Spirit moved me, but I never really let him get to me. It got to the point where I was the only therapist who would work with him. He never said anything or appreciated my help and lack of frustration. But when my final came up at the end of that internship my clinical instructor definitely remembered. She told me that she couldn't understand my patience with that man and that everyone in the clinic was really impressed with how I handled him. I don't know how I did it either. In fact, I hadn't even noticed, but everyone else did. And that said a lot more to them than if I had spoken my mind and let him know exactly how mad he could get me.
Now for those of you who are impressed, just remember that for every good encounter with a difficult person I've had, I have had about a thousand bad ones. There is a verse I always keep in my head when I come into a situation like this that helps me remember where Jesus stands with it all. Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. Easier said than done, but when it is done that burden is lifted and you have a peace in your heart that you would not have if it was the other way around.

First Sabbath Blog

 I was checking out other Christian blogs this afternoon to get a sense of what a Christian blog is supposed to look like. I saw a lot of research and a lot of texts from the Bible. I don't believe this is going to be that type of blog. I just want it to be something fresh and light that other young Christian women can relate to. Personally, when I start reading those kinds of blogs it kind of intimidates me. I don't want people to feel intimidated by reading my blog, I want them to relate.
This morning as I was getting ready to go to church I thought about the first year of my marraige and how it was a struggle for my husband and I to get ourselves to church every week. Most of the time we chose not to go. After our first year of marraige we bought a house and realized that we're setting roots for a family. This meant we needed to start taking our spiritual lives more seriously as well. I've always enjoyed church once I got there, it's just the getting there part that I struggled with. It was still a struggle every week to get ourselves to church but now we don't even think about it. I thought about how amazing it is that God helped us get to this level of maturity where we don't have to wake up in the morning and look at each other with a question of, "Who's going to ask first whether we're going to church?". And just this small step means the world to me. And now I've decided that I would like to blog about my day to day struggles with self. I hope whoever finds this finds it refreshing to know that your not the only one who struggles every day with denying self and choosing Christ and that millions of other people struggle with the same exact thing you struggle with. You are not alone.