I'm not who I was

Man.... so much has changed these past few years. I have mentioned in my profile summary thing that I have been struggling with my relationship with Christ for a while. I guess I was doing that back and forth thing when I was hot for Christ, then cold for Christ, then hot again, then cold again. Luckily, Christ doesn't care how many times you come back, He just wishes you wouldn't have left the first time.
So my walk starts when I was in high school. I went to this prayer meeting and for the first time in my life I realized that God was real and that I could actually have a relationship with Him. This just never occurred to me before. I tried to do the right thing because that's the way I was always raised. So from that point on, I tried. I started reading my Bible, I stopped bad habits, I was a Christian for the first time in my life.
Eventually, don't really remember when, I fire slowly faded and I slowly started getting back into my old habits. I prayed and prayed and asked God for forgiveness and for self-control but I just couldn't let them go.
When I got to college the fire started up again. I recommitted myself to Christ completely once more and started building my relationship back up. I have to say those were some of the best years of my life. I had great friends, was doing well in school and felt like I was truly walking side by side with my Savior.
And then the fire went out. I'm not sure at what point I just stopped caring, but I did. I decided to have fun like the rest of the world was having fun and not think about the consequences. Well that went well...
I got so deep into stuff that I just couldn't see a way out. I told myself, "theres no way God's taking me back now." But slowly once again, I started praying and reading the Bible. It wasn't easy. I honestly didn't want to, but I knew it was the only way back. I had gotten myself into the mess and I needed to work real hard to get myself back out.
Since then it's been a steady climb. Sometimes I had a moment where I came back down again but I always remembered God's forgiveness. When I got married was what sealed the deal for me and Jesus. I guess when you decide to commit your life to someone you don't realize that "for the bad" really counts in the vows. I had to deal with some things in my marriage that I never thought I would ever have to deal with. I'll admit, sometimes I thought to myself, I'm walking away. This is not the man I thought I was going to marry. But God pushed me and pushed me. I threw myself into the Word and prayed like I have never prayed before. And now looking back on it I have to say it was a blessing. Because the Lord knew that He needed to push me out of my comfort zone. I was way too comfortable where I was with Him and He wanted more and expected more out of me. So He used my husband to get that out. And I had to completely surrender my will and my trust over to Christ.....And then I felt true peace. Although I was going through one of the most difficult times in my life, I was OK. And I had never felt that way before. I finally realized what it was to surrender all to Christ. God gave me the perseverance and in the end I have to say that I am so happy in my marriage. We're both so happy and it's was only through Christ.
It's hard for some people to see this because they  know the person that I was. They saw me in the clubs, puking into the sink because I had too much to drink, putting me in bed because I was too drunk to get there myself. Yes, that is where I have been!!! To those people I say, I'm sorry. And I hope that I can reflect the changes that Christ has made in me to everyone I come in contact with. I am not that same person. I am a new person in Christ.