I've never really experienced true suffering in my life. I'm lucky to say that I've never had a close family member die or been in a financial struggle (other than College, thank God for student loans). The closest I have ever come to something like that was in high school when my ex-boyfriend's older brother died in a motorcycle accident. I was only sixteen and he and I had just broken up. Out of nowhere I get this phone call at 11:30pm from him. He's so upset he can't speak, but he finally says, "Jon's been in an accident, I don't think he's going to make it." Of course that wasn't an option in my mind so I replied, "Of course he is. He might be in the hospital for a while but he'll be fine." Thirty minutes later I get another phone call and this time I knew what happened. He didn't have to say a thing. I cried myself to sleep that night and kept dreaming that it was all a big joke. That he really didn't die and just showed up at the family's house. Worst joke ever, right? If I was having trouble sleeping and feeling the sorrow I felt, what could the family be feeling? The reason it hurt so much was because I knew how much Jon meant to my ex. Every time we talked about what we saw ourselves doing in the future, it was always, "well Jon did it this way, so that's how I'm going to do it." We spent a lot of time with Jon and his wife and his son. That was his best friend. All I kept thinking was, "What if Beba (my sister) died?"
With the job that I have it's easy to become a small part of people's lives. Sometimes people tell you things you never expected them to tell you or ask you things you never would expect them to ask. I personally like this part of my job because it gives me a chance to witness and talk about my faith to those who are going through a hard time. This happened to me twice this week. Yesterday while I was playing with a patient on the floor I just happen to look up at mom and ask her, "is everything OK?" She just looked at me and shook her head, no. I could tell she didn't want to say anything, but she did. She told me how by the end of the week she didn't know what was going to happen to her family because they haven't been able to pay their mortgage and were going to be kicked out of their home. They had no place to go. Four kids and the parents. I tried to give her some advice and asked about family but there was no one they could turn to. We eventually were able to contact someone who could help with finding an apartment but I couldn't forget the suffering in her eyes. I prayed for her last night of course and hope all turns out well.
Another mom I know, told me the story today of how she lost her four year old daughter in a fire four years ago. She showed me pictures today and began crying while showing them to me. I felt honored that she would show me those pictures. I talked to her about how lucky we are that we have a faith that tells us we will see our loved ones again. We just have to pray for that faith every day. But I reminded her that she will see her daughter again and to cling to that hope.
I don't know why God let's these kinds of things happen. Every time I see any kind of suffering it makes me hurt as well and I ask myself, why? All I've ever been able to come up with is that we live in an imperfect sinful world. But luckily we also believe that this isn't the only world we are going to live in. I pray and hope that those who have lost loved ones or are going through difficult times will remember that there are better times ahead when there will be no more suffering, pain, or death. "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4. That's a promise that Jesus gives us and I hope we can all remember through the hard times.
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