What doesn't kill you...

I feel like I have so much to say lately. Lol. As you can all tell from my last post things have been a little challenging lately. Not only at home but also at work. I have to sit back and think, how did I get here? And I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean that in a good way. Because with all the stuff that the devil is trying to throw at me, I had two choices. I could just give up and give in, or I could fight right back. And I contemplated these choices. It was not a quick decision. Sometimes I thought, "What is the point?" If I choose not to care anymore it just won't hurt anymore. But then my past came to mind. I thought about how unhappy I was and how although I am going through trials right now, I have never been more happy and at peace with myself. And I know that if I go down that old road again it will just lead to the same hurt, pain and loneliness that I had before. So although choosing to fight back was the harder choice, it was the one that had to be made.
How have I fought back? I've thrown myself into prayer and Bible study. Making sure that my mind is constantly on the things of Christ and not this world. Of course this is hard. But when you pray diligently and avoid worldly things it becomes easier and easier. One specific thing I have been praying for is to be able to show Christ's character to others and not my own. This is an important prayer for me because it is people in specific that I am struggling with. The devil is using others to try and get me to fall. He knows that's my weakness. He knows that I can't stand stupidity and have a tendency to run my mouth off. So of course that is what he's been surrounding me with. I have been praying for weeks for patience and humility. And thankfully my prayers are slowly being answered. Whenever I got an email from someone or my husband said something to me in a certain way, my first reaction was always, "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!". I would catch myself and ask for forgiveness but continue to do it. So today I got a text from someone that normally would have caused that reaction. Without realizing it, I sent a quick response back and got back to what I was doing. After I put my phone away I realized what just happened and I laughed. I couldn't believe that my heart rate didn't increase and I wasn't rolling my eyes! And it felt so good!
So now I'm thinking about how thankful I am for the challenges I have been facing these past few months. Maybe it wasn't the devil, but maybe it was God. Maybe God wanted to challenge me in order to allow me to grow closer to Him. I know this sounds crazy but if it was the devil than I would have to thank him. Because I am in a place right now that I haven't been in a very long time and I am so happy for it. I can feel Christ with me throughout the day because I have been begging Him to be. It feels good to know that I can overcome even one of my biggest weaknesses with Christ by my side. It may be difficult to understand why your going through what you are going through but remember that God has a bigger plan for you than you have for yourself. (walk to remember lol) But it's true. You may not understand God's plan right now but you will in the future. When you are challenged, don't give up. Ask God to walk you through it and in the end you'll understand why.