We sometimes face challenges in our lives that we just don't understand. When I was reading my Sabbath school lesson a few days ago it said something like, we can make plans but that doesn't mean that life is going to go that way. And that's exactly what I did. Since I was a little girl I've pictured my perfect life with my perfect husband in my perfect house with my perfect children. And when I walked down that aisle I was on my to that plan. But of course just like any marriage I've hit detours on the way. Situations I never expected to be in. And again I continued to ask, why?
This past week I've been asking that a lot. Not so much why but, "Lord give me answers". I've been praying earnestly every day for these answers and nothing was coming. So of course I start thinking of my own answers. Worldly unholy answers. "Maybe if I ask so and so they can give me some advice". "Maybe if I tell so and so this won't seem like such a big problem". I just couldn't move forward with any of these solutions though because I knew they were not what God wanted me to do, so I continued to wait for my answer.
This morning in the car as I was driving a certain text came in my head. Cast all your burdens onto me. I realized I hadn't done that. I was continuing to worry and worry but not trust in God to help me with my challenge. So I did that. I put it aside and concentrated on the rest of my day.
After doing some chores when I got home this afternoon I decided to read a little from this book that I've been reading. It's called Feminine Appeal. And basically it goes through virtues that a Godly wife should have. As I'm reading this book I came across a text that I have read so many times but completely forgot about. When I read that text I got the first part of my answer. It was definitely an aha moment. Then the author spoke about challenges that a wife cannot face alone and where to go for guidance. See I was torn between talking to a pastor or talking to a family member. Well I got my answer. "Seek Godly advice". I'm not saying I won't get that from a family member but I knew what God was telling me. This afternoon I got both my answers from God. The moment I let go and let God. It took some patience but I think He was waiting for me to place my complete confidence in Him. There may be things your struggling with, marriage, job, family, addictions, etc. And you ask yourself, how did I get in this situation, this is not what I planned for. But God has a bigger plan and He has all the answers. Just wait and see and place your confidence in the Lord.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
And the greatest of these is LOVE
This quarter's sabbath school lesson ended on social relationships and our need for a social support in our lives. The lesson discussed how people who are sick have a higher chance of getting better if they have a social support. Or that having a strong social support can prevent you from getting sick in the first place. The whole point was, we need people in our lives.
When we were discussing the lesson in sabbath school this week we kind of got in the topic of what kind of social support God intended us to have. We talked about the fact that God originally created human beings with the character that Christ demonstrated while He was here on Earth. When we tried to think of what words could describe Adam and Eve before sin words like pureness, joy, content, and complete unselfishness came up. Complete unselfishness kind of stuck with all of us. We all sat there and thought for a second what this world would look like if we all had complete unselfishness. And it got me to think of so much after that.
The way society today views social relationships is completely different than the way God intended us to experience them. Today the messages that we are constantly getting from society is that it's all about YOU, when God tells us it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with everybody else. I feel that today if we are not happy with a friend, or family member, or husband, or wife we just cast them to the side because they are not benefiting our lives so why keep them there? That's what today's standards are like. Basically if you are not fulfilling my needs for a friend/spouse then you can just leave. And I feel that is why it is so hard to find true real relationships based on love.
If we are supposed to be reflecting Jesus's character to those around us, especially our friends and family, why do we get so mad when they've done something to hurt us? Jesus knew that Judas was going to betray him, that Peter was going to deny him, that He was going to be crucified by the very people who had just called Him Messiah. Yet each time He forgave. And on the cross He asked God to forgive us for killing Him. Why? Because we know not what we do. That's the point. WE KNOW NOT WHAT WE DO. We are born sinful and selfish. It is hard for us to grasp the idea of something not centered around us. But that's not what love is. Love is dying to self and choosing to give what you can to those around you. That's the kind of love Jesus demonstrated while He was here on Earth.
Someone in the Sabbath school class said, "what is the opposite of Love? It's not hate, it's SELFISHNESS." That was new to me but too true to deny. If you want to truly love and truly build better relationships choose every day to be there for someone through thick and thin through right and wrong. And remember when they hurt you that they know not what they do and forgive. That alone is one of the biggest testimonies you can give. I pray that I can show that kind of love to those in my life every day.
When we were discussing the lesson in sabbath school this week we kind of got in the topic of what kind of social support God intended us to have. We talked about the fact that God originally created human beings with the character that Christ demonstrated while He was here on Earth. When we tried to think of what words could describe Adam and Eve before sin words like pureness, joy, content, and complete unselfishness came up. Complete unselfishness kind of stuck with all of us. We all sat there and thought for a second what this world would look like if we all had complete unselfishness. And it got me to think of so much after that.
The way society today views social relationships is completely different than the way God intended us to experience them. Today the messages that we are constantly getting from society is that it's all about YOU, when God tells us it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with everybody else. I feel that today if we are not happy with a friend, or family member, or husband, or wife we just cast them to the side because they are not benefiting our lives so why keep them there? That's what today's standards are like. Basically if you are not fulfilling my needs for a friend/spouse then you can just leave. And I feel that is why it is so hard to find true real relationships based on love.
If we are supposed to be reflecting Jesus's character to those around us, especially our friends and family, why do we get so mad when they've done something to hurt us? Jesus knew that Judas was going to betray him, that Peter was going to deny him, that He was going to be crucified by the very people who had just called Him Messiah. Yet each time He forgave. And on the cross He asked God to forgive us for killing Him. Why? Because we know not what we do. That's the point. WE KNOW NOT WHAT WE DO. We are born sinful and selfish. It is hard for us to grasp the idea of something not centered around us. But that's not what love is. Love is dying to self and choosing to give what you can to those around you. That's the kind of love Jesus demonstrated while He was here on Earth.
Someone in the Sabbath school class said, "what is the opposite of Love? It's not hate, it's SELFISHNESS." That was new to me but too true to deny. If you want to truly love and truly build better relationships choose every day to be there for someone through thick and thin through right and wrong. And remember when they hurt you that they know not what they do and forgive. That alone is one of the biggest testimonies you can give. I pray that I can show that kind of love to those in my life every day.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Happy Father's Day Papi
I am very fortunate and blessed to say that I was raised with a father in my home all of my life. My parents have now been married for 31 years this December. They waited five years to begin having children and along came me. Growing up I didn't appreciate my father. We had a very rocky relationship my adolescent years. But I have to also say that I wasn't exactly the easiest teenager to have. Between lots of lying and sneaking around my dad definitely had his hands full. After all these years and when I got to college I really came to appreciate his firm hand and how he raised me.
My father comes from a strick Puerto Rican home. One foot out of line and you were dead. So he expected his kids to have that kind of respect as well. It's kind of hard when your growing up in a society where firm hands really aren't so prevalent anymore. But my father did not care. It didn't phase him that everyone elses kids hung out at the mall every Saturday night or that kids were allowed to hang out with their friends in the middle of the week. In my house it was school, home, church, home, friends come over to our place. Even when it was a school trip my dad had to think long and hard before he signed those papers. Of course as I teenager I did not appreciate these rules and rebelled against them as much as I could.
When I was fifteen I went to a prayer conference and everything changed. I had my first encounter with Jesus Christ and I was never the same again. My relationship with both my parents changed drastically, but even so more with my father. I still sometimes didn't agree with everything he did but for the most part I understood why.
Today I can honestly say that I am the woman I am because of the amazing father I had growing up. A man that I got to watch as well slowly grow a more personal relationship with Jesus Christ. A man who never judged anyone and always had an open mind about everyone's story. A man who would do anything for his friends and church family in need. A man who would do what needed to be done to give his girls not only what they needed, but what they wanted as well. I hope and pray that I can have that character as I continue to get older with my children and those around me. That I may not be the first to judge someone but help them out and have that firm hand with my kids, even though it's not the preferred way to raise children these days. Because of this steady example that I had all my life I believe in Jesus Christ and choose to build a relationship with him. Because I know it wasn't easy for my dad, but he made the effort so why can't I? Thank you Papi for being an amazing Christian father and the best dad anyone could have hoped and prayed for. Happy Father's Day.
My father comes from a strick Puerto Rican home. One foot out of line and you were dead. So he expected his kids to have that kind of respect as well. It's kind of hard when your growing up in a society where firm hands really aren't so prevalent anymore. But my father did not care. It didn't phase him that everyone elses kids hung out at the mall every Saturday night or that kids were allowed to hang out with their friends in the middle of the week. In my house it was school, home, church, home, friends come over to our place. Even when it was a school trip my dad had to think long and hard before he signed those papers. Of course as I teenager I did not appreciate these rules and rebelled against them as much as I could.
When I was fifteen I went to a prayer conference and everything changed. I had my first encounter with Jesus Christ and I was never the same again. My relationship with both my parents changed drastically, but even so more with my father. I still sometimes didn't agree with everything he did but for the most part I understood why.
Today I can honestly say that I am the woman I am because of the amazing father I had growing up. A man that I got to watch as well slowly grow a more personal relationship with Jesus Christ. A man who never judged anyone and always had an open mind about everyone's story. A man who would do anything for his friends and church family in need. A man who would do what needed to be done to give his girls not only what they needed, but what they wanted as well. I hope and pray that I can have that character as I continue to get older with my children and those around me. That I may not be the first to judge someone but help them out and have that firm hand with my kids, even though it's not the preferred way to raise children these days. Because of this steady example that I had all my life I believe in Jesus Christ and choose to build a relationship with him. Because I know it wasn't easy for my dad, but he made the effort so why can't I? Thank you Papi for being an amazing Christian father and the best dad anyone could have hoped and prayed for. Happy Father's Day.
Monday, June 14, 2010
The devil ain't worried about those he already has
It's amazing what happens when you decide to spend some more time with Jesus and build a closer relationship with him. Fires, fires, fires, fires. Today I was confronted by a fire that I've never encountered before.
While I was working today I found ten dollars in my back pocket. It's a pair of jeans I haven't worn in a while and I guess I left ten dollars there the last time I wore them. I got all excited and decided I would treat myself to some subway on the way home with my ten dollars.
The subway I went to was at a gas station. While I filled up my tank I decided to go get my food. Locked my car door, grabbed my keys and my ten dollars. While I was waiting for my food I was holding my drink, my food, my keys and my money. When it is my turn to go up to pay for my food I look down and my ten dollar bill isn't there anymore. I look back and briefly see it on the floor. I say briefly because in comes a hand and swoops it right up. This big guy decides to take my money and not say anything. Luckily, I saw him pick it up. So I say to him, "Sir can you please give me my money?" He says, " I don't know what your talking about." But with a smirk on his face. At first I think he's joking. So I kind of laugh and ask again. But once again he says he doesn't have anything. I quickly realize that this guy is not going to give me my money. I start getting a little upset. And I tell him that I saw him pick up my ten dollar bill and put it in his pocket. Meanwhile he's at an ATM not even looking at me and repeating that he doesn't have my money and to back off. At this point I'm ANGRY. I can't even believe this guy is going to lie straight to my face and keep my ten dollars that I was about to use for my food. But he is persistent, meanwhile still smirking. By this time I am yelling and the whole store can hear me. I didn't curse, thankfully but I just was upset that somebody could just take money from someone else like that and think it's a joke.
Basically there's yelling back and forth for five minutes and I'm not about to try and go into his pocket cause he looks like the type that would swing at a woman, so I walk away and say, "That's fine keep it." But I am livid. He gets into his car and as he's driving away starts laughing and blows me kisses. What I wouldn't give to be a man at that point and punch this guy in the face. I get into my car and just start balling. Cry, cry, cry. Not because of the stupid ten dollars, but because somebody had the nerve to treat me that way.
I got home and all I could think of was what just happened that I can't even enjoy my meal that I was looking forward to all day. When I finally got the chance to calm down, I asked God, "why." "Why when I'm trying so hard to be so close to you, does all of this stuff happen to me?" At that point I realized it wasn't the man who did that to me, it was the devil working through him. The devil sees me reading my Bible every night, reading devotional books instead of random novels, making more of an effort to add God into my marriage and he is attacking sooooo hard. But Justin said, "you should feel good. Because that means he's threatened." Before the beginning of the year my life was pretty easy. Went through every day like nothing. And I feel that these past few months have been hard. But I know why. The devil isn't going to go down without a fight. But it says it in the Bible, when you choose to stand for Jesus, you will have very hard times. Well, let those hard times keep coming, cause I'm standing firm in the Lord.
While I was working today I found ten dollars in my back pocket. It's a pair of jeans I haven't worn in a while and I guess I left ten dollars there the last time I wore them. I got all excited and decided I would treat myself to some subway on the way home with my ten dollars.
The subway I went to was at a gas station. While I filled up my tank I decided to go get my food. Locked my car door, grabbed my keys and my ten dollars. While I was waiting for my food I was holding my drink, my food, my keys and my money. When it is my turn to go up to pay for my food I look down and my ten dollar bill isn't there anymore. I look back and briefly see it on the floor. I say briefly because in comes a hand and swoops it right up. This big guy decides to take my money and not say anything. Luckily, I saw him pick it up. So I say to him, "Sir can you please give me my money?" He says, " I don't know what your talking about." But with a smirk on his face. At first I think he's joking. So I kind of laugh and ask again. But once again he says he doesn't have anything. I quickly realize that this guy is not going to give me my money. I start getting a little upset. And I tell him that I saw him pick up my ten dollar bill and put it in his pocket. Meanwhile he's at an ATM not even looking at me and repeating that he doesn't have my money and to back off. At this point I'm ANGRY. I can't even believe this guy is going to lie straight to my face and keep my ten dollars that I was about to use for my food. But he is persistent, meanwhile still smirking. By this time I am yelling and the whole store can hear me. I didn't curse, thankfully but I just was upset that somebody could just take money from someone else like that and think it's a joke.
Basically there's yelling back and forth for five minutes and I'm not about to try and go into his pocket cause he looks like the type that would swing at a woman, so I walk away and say, "That's fine keep it." But I am livid. He gets into his car and as he's driving away starts laughing and blows me kisses. What I wouldn't give to be a man at that point and punch this guy in the face. I get into my car and just start balling. Cry, cry, cry. Not because of the stupid ten dollars, but because somebody had the nerve to treat me that way.
I got home and all I could think of was what just happened that I can't even enjoy my meal that I was looking forward to all day. When I finally got the chance to calm down, I asked God, "why." "Why when I'm trying so hard to be so close to you, does all of this stuff happen to me?" At that point I realized it wasn't the man who did that to me, it was the devil working through him. The devil sees me reading my Bible every night, reading devotional books instead of random novels, making more of an effort to add God into my marriage and he is attacking sooooo hard. But Justin said, "you should feel good. Because that means he's threatened." Before the beginning of the year my life was pretty easy. Went through every day like nothing. And I feel that these past few months have been hard. But I know why. The devil isn't going to go down without a fight. But it says it in the Bible, when you choose to stand for Jesus, you will have very hard times. Well, let those hard times keep coming, cause I'm standing firm in the Lord.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sex and the City: Secular vs. Christian Part II
It's been a few days since my last post. I got sick and just didn't want to do anything but what I had to do and then lie in bed and wait to die. While I laid in bed all day I also watched a television show. I guess it's my new secret shame. Ok I will just say it, I am watching the series Sex and the City. It all began with the movie. I never got into the show because I was kind of young when it first came out and in college I never could afford HBO. But I always had an interest in it. When the movie came out I saw it and I liked it a lot. So recently I decided to download the series and watch it from the beginning. I knew it would be sexually explicit but I didn't know how bad. Maybe to some people it's not that serious but to me it was a little shocking. But now I am so into the plot and the love stories that I can't stop watching it.
I'm very careful about what I watch on TV. I know everyone says there is no gray line but with television I think there has to be. I make sure that what I'm watching isn't too bad. I have a list of shows I watch and I stick to it. I watch: Dancing with the stars, Biggest loser, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Ugly Betty, Parenthood, and Glee. Now that I'm writing the list out it seems like a lot, but not to me. This gives me between 1-2 hours a night of television. That's another thing, I don't like watching too much TV. I think it's a waste of time. I'd rather be playing Sudoku then sit in front of the television for more than two hours just flipping channels.
And now I'm watching Sex and the City. I'm down to the last two seasons and I'm almost done. Do I agree with the multiple sexual partners and sleeping with every guy you date? NO. Am I comfortable with watching men and women hump each other til the sun goes down in every episode? NO. The majority of the stuff on this show is what I try to avoid and yet I can't stop watching it and won't. So where do I stand now? I'm not sure. I just feel that everyone has their own personal battles to fight and luckily for me promiscuity isn't one of mine. I honesty believe that everybody's walk with Jesus is completely different. The Lord knows that everyone has their cross to bear and their weaknesses. But so does the devil. He knows where he can get you and how to do it. That's why I continue to build my relationship with Christ and I continue to pray specifically for the things I need help with. Like, my pride and vanity. That is where I'm weak. I love shiny things and I like to show them off. So I pray to God every day to give me the meekness to avoid these two traits. But sleeping around with half the city? I'm not too concerned with that. I know exactly where I stand with that. Should I be watching people doing that? No. I don't really get anything out of watching that kind of stuff. But then again, others do. That may be a gateway to making you want to watch something a little more explicit. Know what are your weaknesses and where your limits are. And pray every day to God that he may help you avoid those things and make you stronger. As I said, every person's walk with Jesus is completely different. So even though in my mind Sex and the city is ok for me, it may not be for you. Ask God.
I'm very careful about what I watch on TV. I know everyone says there is no gray line but with television I think there has to be. I make sure that what I'm watching isn't too bad. I have a list of shows I watch and I stick to it. I watch: Dancing with the stars, Biggest loser, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Ugly Betty, Parenthood, and Glee. Now that I'm writing the list out it seems like a lot, but not to me. This gives me between 1-2 hours a night of television. That's another thing, I don't like watching too much TV. I think it's a waste of time. I'd rather be playing Sudoku then sit in front of the television for more than two hours just flipping channels.
And now I'm watching Sex and the City. I'm down to the last two seasons and I'm almost done. Do I agree with the multiple sexual partners and sleeping with every guy you date? NO. Am I comfortable with watching men and women hump each other til the sun goes down in every episode? NO. The majority of the stuff on this show is what I try to avoid and yet I can't stop watching it and won't. So where do I stand now? I'm not sure. I just feel that everyone has their own personal battles to fight and luckily for me promiscuity isn't one of mine. I honesty believe that everybody's walk with Jesus is completely different. The Lord knows that everyone has their cross to bear and their weaknesses. But so does the devil. He knows where he can get you and how to do it. That's why I continue to build my relationship with Christ and I continue to pray specifically for the things I need help with. Like, my pride and vanity. That is where I'm weak. I love shiny things and I like to show them off. So I pray to God every day to give me the meekness to avoid these two traits. But sleeping around with half the city? I'm not too concerned with that. I know exactly where I stand with that. Should I be watching people doing that? No. I don't really get anything out of watching that kind of stuff. But then again, others do. That may be a gateway to making you want to watch something a little more explicit. Know what are your weaknesses and where your limits are. And pray every day to God that he may help you avoid those things and make you stronger. As I said, every person's walk with Jesus is completely different. So even though in my mind Sex and the city is ok for me, it may not be for you. Ask God.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The Daily Battle Between Christian and Secular, Part I
Every morning when I get into my car I have to decide whether I am going to listen to Christian or secular music. Most of the time Christian wins out but there are those days where I'm just in the mood to shake my hips and nod my head. (yes I do dance in my car)
Christian didn't used to win most of the time. It's more of a recent thing. It began in January when I got back from my Christmas break. There is this morning radio show in DC that is all the fab. When I first began my job in October I found out about this show and would listen to it religiously every morning between patients. The Kane show. These people were hilarious. I have never been so into a show before. I even called once to talk about my dog, Pablito. They didn't pick up my line unfortunately but I was really close. Anyways, when I got back from Christmas break and I turned it on they were talking about porn and sex noises. People started calling in and making these sex sounds over the phone, another woman talked about how her and her husband watch porn five times a day together and that's why their sex life is so hot. It was just gross to me. I switched to another radio station and never turned back.
See it wasn't that one show, it was every show. And I wondered to myself, "why do I find this so entertaining?". I mean I call myself a Christian right? And I didn't even like the music they played. I just dealt with it for the show. It was one of those top 20 stations. They played the same 10 songs all day long. If I had to hear, baby are you down down down down down, one more time I was going to shoot myself in the head.
So I began listening to the Christian radio station. At first their morning show bored the crap out of me. I couldn't stand the way they would talk to each other and all this family friendly chatter was also driving me crazy. But between that and the sex noises I knew what I was choosing. Now I really enjoy the show. I find the conversations interesting. For example, the other day they were talking about how our generation who are in their 20's don't necessarily call themselves "religious" anymore we call ourselves "spiritual". People started calling in and explaining what they think the difference was, it was actually very interesting.
The thing with everything though is you can't get too much. So now I'm getting tired of my Christian station because they play the same songs all day long as well. I love Toby Mac but I need a break. And I have been turning to my CD's. The problem is I really don't have much of a Christian collection. So it's kind of been between Selah, Casting Crowns, Maggie Erickson and Rascall Flatts. Yes, I do count Rascall Flatts as part of my Christian section, that's how sad my Christian section is. So now I'm researching good Christian music online that I can download so I can have options in my CD player. Please anyone if you have any suggestions please let me know. I need all the help I can get. My parents have been listening to the same two cassettes every Sabbath for the past twenty years and I think I'm headed in the same direction.
Christian didn't used to win most of the time. It's more of a recent thing. It began in January when I got back from my Christmas break. There is this morning radio show in DC that is all the fab. When I first began my job in October I found out about this show and would listen to it religiously every morning between patients. The Kane show. These people were hilarious. I have never been so into a show before. I even called once to talk about my dog, Pablito. They didn't pick up my line unfortunately but I was really close. Anyways, when I got back from Christmas break and I turned it on they were talking about porn and sex noises. People started calling in and making these sex sounds over the phone, another woman talked about how her and her husband watch porn five times a day together and that's why their sex life is so hot. It was just gross to me. I switched to another radio station and never turned back.
See it wasn't that one show, it was every show. And I wondered to myself, "why do I find this so entertaining?". I mean I call myself a Christian right? And I didn't even like the music they played. I just dealt with it for the show. It was one of those top 20 stations. They played the same 10 songs all day long. If I had to hear, baby are you down down down down down, one more time I was going to shoot myself in the head.
So I began listening to the Christian radio station. At first their morning show bored the crap out of me. I couldn't stand the way they would talk to each other and all this family friendly chatter was also driving me crazy. But between that and the sex noises I knew what I was choosing. Now I really enjoy the show. I find the conversations interesting. For example, the other day they were talking about how our generation who are in their 20's don't necessarily call themselves "religious" anymore we call ourselves "spiritual". People started calling in and explaining what they think the difference was, it was actually very interesting.
The thing with everything though is you can't get too much. So now I'm getting tired of my Christian station because they play the same songs all day long as well. I love Toby Mac but I need a break. And I have been turning to my CD's. The problem is I really don't have much of a Christian collection. So it's kind of been between Selah, Casting Crowns, Maggie Erickson and Rascall Flatts. Yes, I do count Rascall Flatts as part of my Christian section, that's how sad my Christian section is. So now I'm researching good Christian music online that I can download so I can have options in my CD player. Please anyone if you have any suggestions please let me know. I need all the help I can get. My parents have been listening to the same two cassettes every Sabbath for the past twenty years and I think I'm headed in the same direction.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
walking without a connection
Today became technology crisis day. Somewhere between my fourth and fifth patient I lost my phone without realizing it. By the time I finished with my sixth and final patient I was realized it was gone. My appointment book was also missing so I figured I left it at the house before. I called a few people from my patient's mom's cell phone but I was unable to locate it. OMG. I'm not the typical person who needs their phone just to get to work and back and sometimes in the evening. I use my phone all day long. I have to constantly be making phone calls to set up appointments and talk to my co-workers who are also on the road all day. How can this happen?
By the time I realize I've officially lost it I need to go because I have an appointment at Toyota for a oil change to Pietro (my Prius). I'm in a completely different side of town that I'm not familiar with so I try to take a back route to get to Toyota and that turns out to be a mess. I easily get lost and then my gas light starts blinking on some highway in the middle of nowhere. OMG. I have to look for a gas station close by but for whatever reason my GPS/techno packet decided not to work. And I don't have my phone so I can't look up where I can go or where I am. All I have is some dumb DC atlas that I haven't really figured out how to read yet. I have to pull over and I finally get my GPS to work. I find a gas station and as I'm filling up my car walk over to a pay phone to call my husband and tell him to call Toyota to tell them that I'm going to be late. Of course the pay phone isn't working either. At this point I'm feeling completely off my I don't even know what, because NOBODY KNOWS THAT I'M GOING TO BE LATE TO MY APPOINTMENT!
On my way to Toyota I finally calm down when I realize I'm only going to be 20 minutes late. I decide to listen to my XM radio on my way there. Of course it is no longer working because my three months free is up. But I didn't want to listen to regular radio with commercials and talking, gross. I finally make it to my appointment at Toyota and they didn't even notice or care that I was late.
It's funny because this morning as I was heading out to work I realized that I didn't spend any time with God yesterday or this morning before I went to work. I've been making more of an effort to have worship in the morning with Justin before we go to work but that didn't happen yesterday or today. I made a quick prayer in my car and went on my way. Somehow I can survive the entire day with a quick , "hey God", in the morning but will die without my cell phone, GPS, or XM radio. I really wish it was the other way around. I wish that my daily time with God was so important that if I didn't get it I would just feel off for the rest of the day. Maybe God made me lose my phone on purpose so that I would realize that I need to have that daily connection with him all day as well.
By the time I realize I've officially lost it I need to go because I have an appointment at Toyota for a oil change to Pietro (my Prius). I'm in a completely different side of town that I'm not familiar with so I try to take a back route to get to Toyota and that turns out to be a mess. I easily get lost and then my gas light starts blinking on some highway in the middle of nowhere. OMG. I have to look for a gas station close by but for whatever reason my GPS/techno packet decided not to work. And I don't have my phone so I can't look up where I can go or where I am. All I have is some dumb DC atlas that I haven't really figured out how to read yet. I have to pull over and I finally get my GPS to work. I find a gas station and as I'm filling up my car walk over to a pay phone to call my husband and tell him to call Toyota to tell them that I'm going to be late. Of course the pay phone isn't working either. At this point I'm feeling completely off my I don't even know what, because NOBODY KNOWS THAT I'M GOING TO BE LATE TO MY APPOINTMENT!
On my way to Toyota I finally calm down when I realize I'm only going to be 20 minutes late. I decide to listen to my XM radio on my way there. Of course it is no longer working because my three months free is up. But I didn't want to listen to regular radio with commercials and talking, gross. I finally make it to my appointment at Toyota and they didn't even notice or care that I was late.
It's funny because this morning as I was heading out to work I realized that I didn't spend any time with God yesterday or this morning before I went to work. I've been making more of an effort to have worship in the morning with Justin before we go to work but that didn't happen yesterday or today. I made a quick prayer in my car and went on my way. Somehow I can survive the entire day with a quick , "hey God", in the morning but will die without my cell phone, GPS, or XM radio. I really wish it was the other way around. I wish that my daily time with God was so important that if I didn't get it I would just feel off for the rest of the day. Maybe God made me lose my phone on purpose so that I would realize that I need to have that daily connection with him all day as well.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
It's not always about you
I cried yesterday in church when the sermon was almost over. I have not cried over a sermon in like ten years. I was embarrassed and my husband was moved to silence. See these past few weeks have been hard. As I mentioned before things at work have not been going great and well just like in any marriage, everyone has their issues. Saturday morning before we went to church one of these issues came up again. Something I thought we had moved past but apparently not. So I'm downstairs cleaning the kitchen (cause that's what I do now when I stress out instead of eat) and asking God,"why, why, why. I didn't sign up for this when I married this guy." I'm pretty sure those of you who are married can relate. There is so much more you learn about a person after you say I do and move in. The first few months your thinking, "what the heck did I get myself into?". Well I was having one of those moments Saturday morning.
We get to church and then the sermon begins. My pastor spoke about Shadrach, Mesach, and Abednego. He correlated it with the story of the burning bush in Exodus. He compared the fact that these three men and the bush were not consumed by the fire. That they didn't even smell of smoke when they came out. And because they were not consumed by this external fire the king proclaimed their God as the only God. They didn't say anything. All they said was, "we will not worship your gods". But because the fire was unable to touch them the king believed. Our pastor said you have to be the bush and these three men. The devil is going to throw fire after fire after fire at you, at work at home, but you have to show them that the fire can't touch you because you stand with God. I felt that this sermon was specifically written for me. I've been asking God every day, why, why, why? And yesterday he gave me an answer. He was hoping I would be a witness to my co-workers and to my husband. He was hoping that these fires going on at my job and in my home would not touch me and they would believe. But instead I complained to my co-workers and threw a hissy fit at my husband and I let the fires consume me.
I was hurt. I felt like I failed some kind of test, which I know isn't true. But I have more of an understanding now regarding the things that are going on in my life and how to deal with them. My pastor also said that we can't fight the external fires without learning how to fight the internal fires first. These fires are fear and doubt. How do we learn to fight these fires? Continuing to build a more personal relationship with Jesus Christ. What I realized was that I need to spend more time every day with Jesus. I need to get to know him on a more personal level. Because until I have that relationship full of trust with my Savior these fires are just going to continue to consume me.
We get to church and then the sermon begins. My pastor spoke about Shadrach, Mesach, and Abednego. He correlated it with the story of the burning bush in Exodus. He compared the fact that these three men and the bush were not consumed by the fire. That they didn't even smell of smoke when they came out. And because they were not consumed by this external fire the king proclaimed their God as the only God. They didn't say anything. All they said was, "we will not worship your gods". But because the fire was unable to touch them the king believed. Our pastor said you have to be the bush and these three men. The devil is going to throw fire after fire after fire at you, at work at home, but you have to show them that the fire can't touch you because you stand with God. I felt that this sermon was specifically written for me. I've been asking God every day, why, why, why? And yesterday he gave me an answer. He was hoping I would be a witness to my co-workers and to my husband. He was hoping that these fires going on at my job and in my home would not touch me and they would believe. But instead I complained to my co-workers and threw a hissy fit at my husband and I let the fires consume me.
I was hurt. I felt like I failed some kind of test, which I know isn't true. But I have more of an understanding now regarding the things that are going on in my life and how to deal with them. My pastor also said that we can't fight the external fires without learning how to fight the internal fires first. These fires are fear and doubt. How do we learn to fight these fires? Continuing to build a more personal relationship with Jesus Christ. What I realized was that I need to spend more time every day with Jesus. I need to get to know him on a more personal level. Because until I have that relationship full of trust with my Savior these fires are just going to continue to consume me.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord
One day I said, "I love my job, I am so blessed.". The next day the devil decided he was going to make my job a living nightmare. This has been going on the past few weeks with different things from different sides. And every day I would stress more and more about it and wonder why I ever asked God to give me this job in the first place. So I'm just going to come out and say one of the things, the major one. My boss asked me to go see "extra support" (tutor) to help me with my writing skills because my evaluations were not up to her standards. Woah this was a big blow. I had mentioned previously that I am a very proud person so this was very hard to swallow. And this relates to all things that are in any way critical of anything I do. I try my best to take constructive criticism well but it's just not in my nature. It is hard for me to admit when I am wrong about anything. This has been extremely challenging in my marriage, where Justin and I are both the most stubborn people in the world and cannot admit we are wrong unless we are caught red handed. For example, a few weeks ago we went to Massachusetts for my mother's graduation. We had to drive back on a Sunday so Justin refused to drive because the traffic was going to be craaaazy, according to him. I like driving so I didn't care. But I kept telling him the traffic was not going to be bad. Off we left at 9:00am. By 2:30pm we were sitting on our couch in Maryland ready to watch the first game of the Celtics/Magic series. I mentioned the fact that we made it in six and a half hours and he looked at me with this sheepish grin of course. Point: I was right, he was wrong.
Needless to say I did not want to receive this extra support my boss wanted me to get. Why? There was no reason I needed it. Well, because I do like my job and she is my boss, I dragged myself to this meeting and met with this woman. I told her straight forward that I did not need to be there and that I think my writing skills are just fine. I have my Doctorate for a reason right? Obviously not in English. She was very nice and very open to what I had to say. We began the session, which was only supposed to be for one hour and ended up being two. Why? Because I had so many questions! Although my writing was good (not great) there were little errors here and there that consistently continued to make. After she pointed them out to me and went over a few of my reports I saw what my boss meant. It wasn't like I was starting from scratch but I needed someone to just steer me in the right direction with a few things. I left that session feeling so blessed. And I mean that Blessed. It was a hard lesson to swallow but God made his point. All I needed was to humble myself, which was hard, and allow someone to show me a few things and I was that much better off for it. I got an English lesson, but I got a spiritual one as well. There are too many verses in the Bible regarding pride, but the main point is, pride is for the foolish. If you want to be wise humble yourself. Lesson learned.
Needless to say I did not want to receive this extra support my boss wanted me to get. Why? There was no reason I needed it. Well, because I do like my job and she is my boss, I dragged myself to this meeting and met with this woman. I told her straight forward that I did not need to be there and that I think my writing skills are just fine. I have my Doctorate for a reason right? Obviously not in English. She was very nice and very open to what I had to say. We began the session, which was only supposed to be for one hour and ended up being two. Why? Because I had so many questions! Although my writing was good (not great) there were little errors here and there that consistently continued to make. After she pointed them out to me and went over a few of my reports I saw what my boss meant. It wasn't like I was starting from scratch but I needed someone to just steer me in the right direction with a few things. I left that session feeling so blessed. And I mean that Blessed. It was a hard lesson to swallow but God made his point. All I needed was to humble myself, which was hard, and allow someone to show me a few things and I was that much better off for it. I got an English lesson, but I got a spiritual one as well. There are too many verses in the Bible regarding pride, but the main point is, pride is for the foolish. If you want to be wise humble yourself. Lesson learned.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
